Here Comes Santa Clause With His Instruments of Torture

Merry Christmas, the only holiday when pimply, annoying adolescents can accost you for kisses and it doesn't count as sexual harassment. Of course, the tacky sweaters with creepy Rudolphs and Santas are abundent among our creepily friendly teachers who have long since given up on life. And who wouldn't look forward to the best part of all, a fat, old dude breaking into your house in the middle of the night to steal your food and leave you unknown presents that just might explode when you open them? Have some happy holidays, everybody!