1,2,3, Turnaround... So I Can Punch Your Face

Know that story that ends with the guy in tights rescuing the girl with glass shoes, which, by the way, probably hurt like hell? Now, I know these stories don't exactly show real love, like Cinderella paying the bills while Charming goes off with strippers, but these girls never seem to have anything to do but sit around and wait. For a guy in tights. Who probably took a wrong turn trying to rescue his prince. Also, they never have girlfriends. Ever. And that's baffling. Who else are you gonna call when Prince Queer Eye leaves the toilet seat up and forgets to clean the gutters? And we all need someone to play the Why Is He Not Calling game. The one where you take tons of random guesses and that one honest girl who nobody likes says, "Maybe he just thinks you're super-possessive and not that hot." Of course, sometimes girlfriends are overrated. Like when they de-friend you on Facebook and say they're cutting you out of their life for no good reason... but I digress. But hey, once again, I have a solution, and a simple one: just hire someone's bipolar, ADHD five-year-old to drop off at her house for a day. And make sure he bites :). Meow