Gentlemen Prefer Freaks

Ever notice that when you're hyped up on coffee, soda, or illegal performance enhancers, even the most boring details seem to sort of captivate? Whereas, if, like me, you are suffering from caffeine withdrawal, even Taylor Lautner's abs seem about as charismatic as that old perv who hangs out on the street. Of course, there's nothing Pizza Hut and Sprite can't fix. And so, for your pleasure, here is a technique I've learned about dealing with boys who just don't know when to quit. Show him your extensive photo collection of him, and the dress you've already designed for your wedding, and, of course, the adorable photoshopped pictures you put together of your future children. Show him said decorations, and make sure to sniff his hair and shirt extensively, breathing heavily and muttering, "You are mine." Trust me, he'll soon back off. Or, more accurately, run off ;).