A Bitch and Santa

Is there really any difference between Santa and an annoying friend? They both steal your food and give crappy Christmas gifts. Of course, BFFs are inclined to be a little more considerate, seeing as how you have the most dirt on them. Now, in case you think I'm just jaded and cynical, that I had that one best friend who betrayed me in childhood and turned me spiteful and bitter, you'd be wrong. It was actually 2 friends, though they were never BFF material. But I digress. The point is, because I know what it's like to have a friend who thinks they're the shit and a bag of Cheetos, here's a little trick: say you have a few cute friends who you swear she'll love who want her number. Go onto Craigslist.com and put an ad for her online. Accept offers from the most nerdy, socially inept dorks you can find, and send them her home address. Watch her face as Yu-Gi-Oh! cards and invitations to Star Wars conventions show up by the boatload at her house. Oh, and don't forget to mention that she absolutely LOVES men with long beards and crusty toenails. Enjoy :)